That's enough now. No more. I can't do it and I can't stand it. Please, just stop. Your words are like splinters of glass, shattering my skin, taking a piece of my confidence with you everytime you open your mouth. It has been like this for far too long.
I am starting to die insided. I'm starting to fade. I'm starting to cry. I'm starting to feel weak. I'm starting to lose faith and stop believing. I'm starting to give up. All over again.
I swore I wouldn't go back to that place. I wouldn't walk to the darkness where the shades are drawn and no ray of sun dares shine through. I thought I had moved beyond it. Buried it. Deep. Deep within the walls of my soul never to re-appear. I thought it was lost. Gone forever.
But lately, I've started to visit it again. Started to feel like it is the only answer. The only option. The only choice. I need to believe in something good again. Surely it has to be better than it is now? Please, I don't want to go back there. I took so long to crawl out of that place the last time it left scars on my soul.
Your words, they hurt. They cause me a deep pain no person should ever feel. I know I've failed you. I know it. Don't think that I don't. I'm not that stupid. I was educated at a university level, don't forget. Though, how could you? That's yet another thing you like to remind me of. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am that I paid for those 4 years, that $20 000 myself. God knows you'd hang that over my head if you could. I'm forever grateful that you can't, though you sure do try.
There is a blackness in my soul. It matches the place I dwell in when the light disappears. The place I see at night as I stare pointlessly at the ceiling questioning why and how and not having the answers. The blackness, it is back. It is back more and more the past few weeks. I don't like it. I'd moved beyond it. Forgotten about it. Pushed it out of reach. I liked where it was. I don't like where it is now.
I'm sorry I failed you, know that I am. I never wanted you to live vicariously through me. It was you who pushed that upon me. I didn't ask for it. I don't know that any child would. But please know that I know. I know I disappoint you. I know I didn't amount to all you hoped I would. I know I never lived out your dreams. God knows I'm not even living out mine. I know I upset you. I know I make you question my failings. I know you are disappointed with all that I've become and more importantly, with what I haven't. I know. I know. I know.
Flaws are what make us human. If we were all the same, all perfect, how boring would that be? I never aspired to be perfect. Never dared to dream it. Never wanted to be that way. I never put myself up on that pedastal. You did.
So, please. That's enough now.
Best Sports Supplements
