Let Me Just Say... May you dare to release the music inside!

I know, I know... it's been far too long. I'm hoping to make it up to you with a  creative piece I wrote. Begging is just not my style. I hope you like the poem!

 

The Music Inside

 

To the air guitarists and the dashboard drummers,

Those with hairbrush microphones – the music lovers,

The wannabe actors up on that stage,

With the silver screen daring to light up their name.

To the lawyers, the doctors, the nurses and teachers,

To those still with faith; the nuns and the preachers.

To those who hear ‘No’ and again feel rejection,

Breathe deep, stand back up and then do it again.

To those still with hope and willing to try,

Who are unable to let the music inside die,

When you’re constantly falling or down on your knees,

Unwavering, unwilling and refusing to give in;

When life goes and throws you a one-two punch,

Don’t get knocked out, just stand back up.

Stand up on your feet, face the world and lift your head,

Show all those fools you’ve still got some fight left.

For what’s in your head and what’s in your heart,

Should never be two worlds apart.

Listen to the melody as it floats on by,

Tap to the beat, don’t let the music die.

 To the reality star and those seeking quick fame,

Don’t be disappointed to find out it’s a game.

To those with parents wanting to live through you,

They only bring you into this life; they can’t live it for you too.

To those who constantly feel they have something to prove,

It’s ok to cry because you’re human too.

To those losing belief and in constant self-doubt,

Listen to the music, it wants to get out.

To the future President, sitting in the class front row,

Are you for the challenge and willing to give it a go?

To the 15^th floor office day dreamers,

Your future is now, become a believer.

For all those times you heard those two words ‘you can’t’,

It’s time to remove the‘t’ and make a fresh start.

Stomp those feet and feel the rhythm,

The wants to come out;  it’s time to start singing.

 To all those who dream of putting pen to paper,

The time to start living is now, not later.

To the future sports star representing their team,

Hard work, sweat and tears will give you your dream.

To those changing the future, the ones with ideas,

Be bold and brave as you conquer your fears.

To the astronauts and the space ship makers,

Don’t listen to the words of the jealous haters.

To the painters, the artists, the ones with individual flare,

Do all that you can to get yourself there.

To the future Tony, Oscar or Grammy winner,

You’ll get there one day if you stay a believer.

To the shampoo bottle shower singer,

It’s perfectly ok to be a daydream believer.

To the ballerinas, dancers and future race car drivers,

Make reality of the dream that’s bottled inside us.

To the surfers, snowboarders, skydivers and pilots,

How can you fail if you’ve never even tried it?

To the dark horses, the longshots, the flowers yet to bloom,

Don’t confine the music to the walls of your bedroom.

To those with a voice, who are wanting to sing,

That music inside – don’t dare keep it in.

Always keep smiling, keep that glint in your eye,

The music within, it must never die.

Success in this life comes in many shapes and sizes,

It’s about who has the courage to release the music inside us.

To those fearing two letters, not wanting to give it a go,

It will make you stronger – that little word ‘no’.

You can fool the world into thinking you’re happy when you’re not,

But can you say to yourself you gave it your best shot?

Can you look in the mirror; can you face your reflection?

Can you stand there and say, ‘Yes, I beat rejection’?

When it’s all said and done, can you say you did your best?

Did you let the music out? Did you pass life’s test?

The score is written, the overture has begun,

The conductor he starts and now beats the drum.

The trumpets, the flute and the violins sing,

The band starts to play; the music begins.

Can you hear it in your head? Can you feel it in your heart?

Your life is ready and waiting for you to start.

Give it all you’ve got for this is your one life,

Don’t go to your grave with the music inside!    

Let Me Just Say... That's Enough Now.

That's enough now. No more. I can't do it and I can't stand it. Please, just stop. Your words are like splinters of glass, shattering my skin, taking a piece of my confidence with you everytime you open your mouth. It has been like this for far too long.

I am starting to die insided. I'm starting to fade. I'm starting to cry. I'm starting to feel weak. I'm starting to lose faith and stop believing. I'm starting to give up. All over again.

I swore I wouldn't go back to that place. I wouldn't walk to the darkness where the shades are drawn and no ray of sun dares shine through. I thought I had moved beyond it. Buried it. Deep. Deep within the walls of my soul never to re-appear. I thought it was lost. Gone forever.

But lately, I've started to visit it again. Started to feel like it is the only answer. The only option. The only choice. I need to believe in something good again. Surely it has to be better than it is now? Please, I don't want to go back there. I took so long to crawl out of that place the last time it left scars on my soul.

Your words, they hurt. They cause me a deep pain no person should ever feel. I know I've failed you. I know it. Don't think that I don't. I'm not that stupid. I was educated at a university level, don't forget. Though, how could you? That's yet another thing you like to remind me of. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am that I paid for those 4 years, that $20 000 myself. God knows you'd hang that over my head if you could. I'm forever grateful that you can't, though you sure do try.

There is a blackness in my soul. It matches the place I dwell in when the light disappears. The place I see at night as I stare pointlessly at the ceiling questioning why and how and not having the answers. The blackness, it is back. It is back more and more the past few weeks. I don't like it. I'd moved beyond it. Forgotten about it. Pushed it out of reach. I liked where it was. I don't like where it is now.

I'm sorry I failed you, know that I am. I never wanted you to live vicariously through me. It was you who pushed that upon me. I didn't ask for it. I don't know that any child would. But please know that I know. I know I disappoint you. I know I didn't amount to all you hoped I would. I know I never lived out your dreams. God knows I'm not even living out mine. I know I upset you. I know I make you question my failings. I know you are disappointed with all that I've become and more importantly, with what I haven't. I know. I know. I know.

Flaws are what make us human. If we were all the same, all perfect, how boring would that be? I never aspired to be perfect. Never dared to dream it. Never wanted to be that way. I never put myself up on that pedastal. You did.

So, please. That's enough now.

Let Me Just Say... Sometimes You Need To Take A Breath.

A big, huge, deep breath. A sigh, if you will. It'll make you feel better. Breathe in. Breathe out. Lungs fill. Lungs release.

Aaannnndddd.... ssiiiiiggggghhhhh....

For whatever reason, it needs to be done. You've got a bill that won't be paid in time. You're out of cash and your car needs gas. You just filled your cereal bowl only to find there's no milk left. You run for the train only to see it pulling away from the platform. You get to a certain point in your life and question what you've amounted to. Or what you haven't.

And you sigh.

The realisation, for the most part, isn't sudden. It doesn't really come as a suprise. You've seen it building up. Watched it progress ever so slowly, to the point that it's at today and you realise that it hasn't gone away on it's own, as much as you wanted it to. As much as you thought it was going to. As much as you hoped it would.

Deep breath in. Big sigh out.

Life; it sure is a funny thing, isn't it? All the plans we thought we'd make. All the ideas and dreams we had suddenly fall horribly short on all the hope we'd pinned them to. Then you begin to question if there's anything that can be done - Is it too late? Should I bother? What's the point?

That's not the attitude you need to have. You've come too far now to throw in the towel. So your back's against the rope. Who cares? Push yourself off it and spring yourself forward and throw a left hook here and a right hook there. So you fell to the floor and you're hurting. Stand up kid, and dust yourself off. There's more to life than what you've been wasting your years doing. So you've been pushed to the limit and your down on your knees. Don't you realise your in the perfect position to pray?

So do it. Be daring. Stop dreaming. Start working. Start... believing!

Don't quit yet. You've still got some good years left in you. You can't have come all this way for nothing, simply to throw your arms up in the air, turn your head, and go back in the direction you came. If no one ever took a chance, no one would've ever fulfilled a dream. Don't be like them. Take the path less travelled. You'll be thankful once you get to the end of your journey, wherever and whenever that will be.

Be more. Be bold. Be everything. Be you. Believe.

Change your thoughts and you'll change your world. All the while, don't forget to breathe!

Let Me Just Say... I Miss the Beach.

I do, I really, really do!

Who knew, that growing up in Australia I had become so spoilt. I had what can only be described as some of the best beaches around (if not, the WORLD'S BEST!) at my fingertips day after day, summer weekend after summer weekend.

And now, here I sit in a Canadian winter as the snow falls ever so softly onto the waiting grass below. Don't get me wrong, I just LOVE the four seasons. That's why I moved to the northern hemisphere. Call me crazy! I never missed a White Christmas until I experienced one and now the BBQ filled summer one's seemed lost on me. I never knew what it was like to see the leaves change colours to vibrantly daring red's, yellows and oranges. The leaves never made it to the ground in such a manner that they needed to be raked. I grew up with constant evergreens. If the trees were green in summer, they were green in winter.

But as winter is precisely halfway through it's season, I now see why so many Canadians and Americans relish their beloved 'Spring Break'. It's a chance to get away and enjoy some sunshine, some poolside drinks, some beachside lounging... some absolute nothingness!

I grew up with golden beaches, crashing ocean waves, beach cricket... and jellyfish stings (it's not all glamour folks!)... and man, do I miss it! I used to love summer as a kid, but then growing up in the city I lived in, summer was all we got. If we were lucky, sometimes we saw spring and got to experience TWO seasons. 'Winter' as I knew it was a cold 20 degree day - that's 70F for my American readers. Imagine California, just... Down Under! Now that I'm back on top, my winter days actually feel like winter. This past week alone I've experienced rain, snow, wind and mild flurries where the temperature has ranged from 5C to -19C then back to 3C (40F to 2F to 34F). Right now, it's currently a wonderful Canadian -14C (6F). It is quite the change from the tropical climate I knew as a child.

It is true what they say - 'You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone'.

Here's my beloved Noosa Beach on the Sunshine Coast...

But I digress. Back to my winter daydreaming...

As I sit here dreaming of my beloved golden beaches (one of the few things I miss about my native Australia), I find myself googling getaway packages to places like Cuba, Costa Rica, Jamaica and the Domenican Republic. Places I, a seasoned traveller, couldn't even point to on a map! But my, how I'd love to visit... even if it is for an all inclusive 7 days.

For a mere $1000 I can disappear for a week and sit by the kabana wasting my day away. I'd make my fingers go all prune like as I float in the pool. I'd work on my cancer inducing tan on the white sandy beaches. I'd have more time to read all the books I've got stacking up in my bedroom which I buy on self promises of 'I hope to read those soon' thoughts. I'd relax poolside ordering all inclusive drinks. Now, I don't drink a lot of alcohol - a beer here and there, a Pina Colada in Mexico - but even I'd take advantage of that! Oh, and not only do you get all of that pleasing R&R... they even have the audacity to throw in your Flight AND all three daily meals ontop of your accomodation. I mean, for not even $200 a day, why shouldn't I book?

Be honest, would you turn down a place that looked like this?....

As if to tease me and hit that 'purchase now' button, Zac Brown Band's song 'Toes' has come on the radio as I type this blog post... 'I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand, not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand. Life is good today... life is good today!'. Well, it sure is tempting. I just might bring his advice to life!

No wonder so many 'snow birds' fly south for the winter!

Let Me Just Say... Travelling Is Hard.

Especially when you're out there on your own.

A friend of mine that I got to know in the few months before I left Australia recently jetted out on her own journey in the hopes of seeing the big wide world - in particular, the Grand 'ol US of A - and is finding it a little more difficult than she had hoped.

I know she has the strength within her to make her dreams a reality and to stick with it, but it's not as easy as it seems. She's the same age as I was when I first left home to travel the world - the elusive 21. When anything you dare to dream could possibly happen, and if you're willing and able, it's very likely you might just see it all become a reality.

But then, once it does, is it what you hoped it'd be?

Travelling has changed me. This much I know. I'm quite glad I never settled down and married at 25 as some of my friends did. The person I was then compared to the one I am now, is very different. I used to plan things out - everything - down to a tee. My first trip overseas was planned to the day. To the DAY! If you asked me where I was going to be on a particular day in my 11 months overseas, I could've told you. I knew exactly what hostels, cities and sights I'd be taking in. That is the first and last trip I ever planned so completely.

I'm much more relaxed and easy going these days. I've opened my eyes, I've allowed people in, I've experienced new cultures. I've realised that the small stuff isn't really worth sweating. I've learnt that if you're walking around breathing, you're having a good day, so please, don't be complaining. Least of all to me. I've learnt that deep breaths help you see clearer. I've also learnt that no one leaves here alive, so there's no point in worrying about the things you cannot change nor have any control over.

My friend, she appears to be struggling. I don't speak with her as often as I'd like and I know I'm to blame for that one. How can I call someone a friend when little effort is made on my end - a reassuring sentence or two on a status update hardly seems to cut the mustard of true friendship, no? But yesterday, as I read her blog post, I took the time to write her the following reply.

It's not just for her, it's for all the travellers out there. All the one's who dared to dream and spread their wings in the hopes that they'd fly. It's for all the ones who are struggling and finding that sometimes life, it's just not really what you thought it'd be like.

You can read her blog post here - http://twentysomethingtwentyeverything.wordpress.com/author/twentysomethingtwentyeverything/ - and I hope you do because I find her reading very relatable and extremely interesting.

You can read my response here. I'm sure it resonates than just this one traveller friend of mine -

There is something so deep we learn about ourselves as we take that step into the great unknown. What we thought we knew, understood or even accepted as fact before, are quite quickly, proven different.

What we had come to accept as part of our beings - our strengths and our weaknesses - becoming merely a stepping stone and a learning experience. We are taught patience, understanding, acceptance. We are taught to open our eyes, appreciate new cultures and most importantly, we are taught to breathe deeply. All the while with an aching in our hearts as we know that what we thought we weren't going to miss and were ready to leave behind, suddenly come to the surface and we realise all too quickly, we may have gotten ourselves in for more than we bargained for.

Sometimes in life, the thing we had been hoping for and waiting for and dreaming of suddenly arrives... and we learn it's not at all like what we expected or wanted. It is then we truly appreciate what we had and silently promise to never take it for granted again.

'Careful what you wish for, you may regret it. Careful what you wish for... you just might get it'.

As the days pass, it gets easier. But travelling, being away from home, from loved ones, from common comforts - it's really not for everyone. You will learn more about yourself in your time alone, your time overseas, than you ever thought, imagined, or even hoped you could. I find that technology nowadays makes things so much easier. Skype for example, makes it seem like the person is only 12 blocks away, not 12000 kilometres. Granted, there is something about the human touch that makes the connection all that more special.

When the days are tough - and they will be, remember one thing. When the mountain is too steep to climb - and it will be, remember one thing. When the rain is falling and the fog is affecting your view - and it will, remember one thing. When your eyes are closed and your heart is aching - and it will, remember one thing... if it all comes to much too bare, home is only a plane ride away.

Until then, my advice to you is what it has been from the week before you left... 'A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for'.

May you open your eyes, expand your heart, take that leap and be willing to learn more about yourself than you ever dreamed possible.

Deep breaths.

Let Me Just Say... Happy New Year!

And may all your hopes, fears, dreams, wishes and questions be answered, fulfilled overcome and realised in the following year. May 2012 bring everything you could possibly hope for... plus a little bit more.

As I've mentioned before, I like to write. A bit here and there, though I've never formally studied it, so I'm not sure exactly how to go about getting into the business, so to speak. But I'm looking into it. I'm looking into making my dreams a reality, as I hope, you too are doing the same!

My current job doesn't fulfill me. I think I have a problem working for 'the man'. I'm ore one who works well alone, to my own schedule, though i do enjoy interacting with people. Not so much when they're yelling at me for things that aren't my fault, but at the moment, I just take being a verbal punching bag, along with every other aspect of this job... and then go home to my little fantasy land, which exists happily inside my brain.

And every now and then, I put pent to paper. An

d stuff like this happens...

Three Six Five

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

So move the hands on the bedroom clock.

Deep breath in, big sigh out.

My lungs release as the voice inside shouts.

Twenty-Four Seven. Three six five.

Another fifty-two weeks have just flown on by.

What did you accomplish within the past year?

Did you capture your dreams and release your fears?

Did you inch a step closer to the great unknown?

Or did you stay secluded in your ordinary cocoon?

Did you break a self promise, more empty words?

Or did hope prevail to have itself heard?

Did you step off that ledge to see if you'd fly?

Or like years past, are your dreams starting to die?

Did you let go of regret, release all your sorrow?

Or as usual are you just pushing that all to tomorrow?

Did you bring your hands together in the form of a prayer?

Did you trust in Faith, did you accept that dare?

Did you reach out to God, did you hold His hand?

If you're willing and able, He will take you there.

When you asked the questions, did you hear the answers?

Or did you close your ears and leave it all to chance?

I hope you introduced yourself to Faith and Hope,

So everytime you walk out the door, you know that you'll cope.

Did you meet their friends, Belief and Trust?

Or did you kick them to the ground, cover them with dust?

If Fate passed you as you walked down the street,

Would you seize the opportunity, would the two of you meet?

If you had the chance to do it all over again,

Which of these words would you befriend?

Your life is like the hourglass tipped upside down,

Once the sand pours out there's no re-count.

It's important you understand exactly what is at stake,

Because you life only comes once, there's no room for mistake.

When you take your last breath and it's all said and done,

Can you look back with a smile, say you had a good run?

Or did doubt creep it's way through, get under your skin,

Leave you sitting there thinking of what might have been?

Did you shoot for the moon, did you reach for the stars?

Did you land among them like the gem that you are?

Did you waste your talent or did you seize the moment?

Did you take this last year in your hands and own it?

When you ask these questions next year and look back on your life,

Will you once and for all be at peace with your mind?

Can you honestly say you did all that you could,

So evil wouldn't prevail and that you did good?

If the answer is yes and you can hold your head high,

Then there was no better way to have spent the past three six five.

Let Me Just Say... Happy New Year!

And may all your hopes, fears, dreams, wishes and questions be answered, fulfilled overcome and realised in the following year. May 2012 bring everything you could possibly hope for... plus a little bit more.

Let Me Just Say... There's something about that first snowfall.

There’s something so wonderfully hopeful about the first snow fall of the season. Granted, I’m writing this about a month late from when the snow first graced the grounds of this little Canadian corner I call home. But in the purest sense of irony, it seems I have awoken to find the snow falling ever so softly this morning. As if a gentle reminder that I needed to get online and upload my blog.

Growing up in Australia, snow is not a common thing. Don’t get me wrong, we have snow in Australia, just not where I’m from. Infact, Australia is home to the BIGGEST snow resort in the southern hemisphere. I’m sure that comes as news to most, if not all of you.

But yes, where I grew up – the more tropical climate area of Australia – snow was not a fixture of winter. Not like here in North America or when I lived in England. But there’s something so endearing about it. So simple. So easy. So... hopeful. Perhaps it is the freshness of the white powder as it perches itself gently on the bow of a tree, or the way it falls together so you can like on your back, arms and legs stretched out moving in and in and out motion as if to make your very first snow angel. Or your 100^th.

But mostly, that first snow fall brings with it a true feeling of the season. Of Christmas. I have done so many White Christmases now, the summer ones just simply don’t seem right. And while the weather may bring with it traffic delays and cancelled flights, you can’t help but simply stare in awe at how something so plain, so white, so very simple, can bring a smile to your face.

At least, for the first time of the season anyway! Once the slush arrives, no one wants to see that. Not even me!

And so, as the flakes gently fall outside my window making sure that yes indeed, I will have another White Christmas, may you all enjoy the festive season and have a wonderful, safe and memorable holiday.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Let Me Just Say... I Made No Promises.

You were warned.

Remember when I started this blog, way back at the beginning, I forewarned you and said I make no promises as to how often I'll post on this blog. I said, I hoped it'd be once a week, but not likely. Remember I said that? Go ahead, scroll down and have a read. There haven't been that many posts. It won't take you that long.

....

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I would like to apologise to you. Yes, you. I'm sorry. I have no words but those two. I should apologise to myself also. I said I'd write and I'd like to share my thoughts, ideas and ramblings with you. But I gave up on you. Far too quickly, and that's just not like me. I'm one of the most loyal people I know. In a day and age where one's word is starting to mean less and less and it doesn't really account for much, I'd like to think that my word is still still good. I'm the kind of person who when I shake your hand, I'll look you directly in the eye. And you sure as hell better do the same when you shake mine!

As a New Year begins to creep its way upon me, I should opt to make a resolution to write more often. But then, I've never been one to make resolutions or stick with them. Too often I'll break a self promise. But a promise to someone else... I'll follow through with that until the day I die.

I like to write, to speak, to share my thoughts. I think it's a daring concept to do it with people you don't know and even more-so with those you do. There is a face sitting on the other side of this screen reading what I wrote. Are you enjoying it? Is it making you think? Will you come back? I can't say. I'd like to think you're going to come back, but you're your own person and the only one who can make that decision.

As for me... watch this space. I know I'll be back!

Let Me Just Say... Dreams aren't easy.

But they're worth believing in.

I have a dream. I do. We all do. At least I hope we all do or it'd be sad to know that we have nothing to aspire to. Nothing to believe in. Nothing to hope for. No reason to keep on breathing.

I like to write. I enjoy it. Actually, I love it. I write when I can and when I'm inspired. Like now, with this blog post. I don't know if anyone out there reads it. I hope people do, but if they don't, then that's fine. I just take comfort in knowing that I can write it and enjoy that process.

I am 31 years old. Only two years ago I realised what it is that I would like to do with my life, though now that I'm here, it's easy to look back on the years and see that the answer should've been obvious from the start. They say hindsight is a wonderful thing. 'They' didn't lie.

Looking back, it's now clear that the path my life should have taken. The direction in which I should have headed was always there, just waiting for me to choose the right side of the fork in the road. But it's better to figure it out now than later. Or even worse, not at all. If I look back on my years in drama class, that playwrighting award I won when I was 16, the stories I enjoyed writing in High School - I'd find that they were all speaking to me, even if it was just in a whisper.

If I could write a letter to my 16 year old self, I would, just to let me know not to study at 'that' university just because my mother wanted me to. Or do do 'that' course because it seemed interesting. If I could do it over, would I do a different course? Probably. But then, if I did it over, who's to say I'd be where I am today? Every choice and chance I've taken in life has led to another choice and another, which has led me to where I am now.

And now, I'm working on my dream. I'm wondering if I'm too old to study, while looking up courses online to study here in Canada or in London, England. I lived there before and I miss it horribly. It wasn't until the last few months of my time there that I realised what I wanted in life. If I knew before, I would've studied writing while there. London has a great theatre scene and that's what I'd like to do - write plays. I've written a couple, but not done anything with them. Namely, I'm not sure that they're interesting enough, though I can only hope they are.

So that's my dream. I'm not sure what yours is - starting a business, owning a home, having a family, or even something as simple as being happy - but may you find the strength and courage to go out there and achieve it.

Procastination is not my friend, though it likes to think we are. Too much time has been spent hanging out with procrastination over the years. I need new friends. New friends like 'Inspiration', 'Belief', 'Perserverance' and 'Hope'.

They seem like a pretty cool gang to hang out with.